My Brother, My Hero
by youllsavemexxo
Summary: When Darry is in a car accident, Pony's whole world starts to fall apart. And this time, there isn't anything he can do about it. Please RR!
1. I'm sick doesnt even compare

Chapter 1

"Get up, kid, it's a school day." Darry called from the kitchen. I could smell the pancakes that Darry made every morning. Even though he was the only one who ate them, while Soda and I ate chocolate cake, he made about 5 stacks each morning. Boy, could he eat.

"Not today, please Darry, I think I'm sick." I said, disguising my voice. He wouldn't notice if I wasn't actually sick, unless he came into the room, and took my temperature. But he was so wrapped up in his pancakes and not being late for work, that he didn't.

"You sure? I thought you loved school." he replied.

"Yeah, but I ain't gonna waste my health on it."

"Well then watch out today, okay? Soda will be up in about half an hour and he'll be at work, too. Sure you'll be okay? You want me to call somebody?"

"I'll be fine. Wow, I wonder how your gonna act when I go off to college!" Darry stared at me. We had never talked about going to college. The only way I could go, is if I had a full scholarship. I regretted those words as soon as I said them. Darry had given up college to be at home with me and Soda. And I used it in a sentence…just like that!

"Okay then. I'll call up later." he said as he grabbed his tool belt and left out the door. Then, as if on cue, Sodapop walked in.

"Hey Soda, What's up?" I asked pouring myself a bowl of cereal.

"Whoa, buddy! Try notta gimme a heart attack!" Soda replied. "Ain't you supposed to be at school?"

"Nah, Darry said I could stay home today. I'm sick" I said, pretending not to notice how much I had scared him.

"Okay, Steve'll be here any second and I gotta go get ready. I'll call later." he said as he went into our room. I stayed in the living room, watching TV, eating cereal.

Soda left soon later, and I went to our room and tried to sleep.

As soon as I put my head to the pillow, the phone rang. I was a little dizzy getting up. I'm always like that if I get up really quickly.

"Hello, um, Pony-Boy Curtis? This is Dr. Jousa from the Tulsa Medical Hospital. Your brother, Darryl Curtis was admitted to us after he came back from a car accident. I think you'd better come down here."

My heart must have skipped at least 50 beats.


	2. The Crash

Chapter 2

I didn't have a ride, and frankly I didn't care. I ran all the way to the hospital. Maybe a little more then 5 miles, I didn't care. I'm a pretty good runner and I was in such a rush and the adrenaline in my body was rising so high that I thought I might pop.

I finally reached the hospital. There was something eerie about this certain one though. I had always hated hospitals, knowing the fact that I had been there so many times. Mom and Dad's death, Johnny and Dally's death, and Soda's broken arm. I remember vaguely another time being in another time when Darry had strained one of his muscles. Still, I hated hospitals.

"I got a phone call saying my brother was in the hospital? My name is Ponyboy Curtis"

"Ah, yes. Go down that hallway, make a left into ICU, and continue down into the waiting room. The nurse will call you in when the doctor is ready to see you." She smiled. I hated nurses like that. They try to make you happy, but they don't realize that they're at the death-house. I was about two seconds from crying. I kept my feelings inside me though. As I ran down the hallways, I couldn't take it anymore. I felt the soft tears drip down my face.

I couldn't go in, but I saw Darry from clear glass window. He didn't look like himself one bit. He was so cut up. I couldn't stand to see my older brother like this.

"Ponyboy, Hello. I am Dr. Derek Mattson. Would you like to come into my office?"

I silently nodded and followed him. I knew this would be bad.

"What's wrong, what happened to him!" I said, angrily. I wanted to know what was happening to him, now.

"Well at about Darryl came into the hospital at about 9:15, we examined him and found out that he had some minor injuries in his skull bone. There were some slight fractures in the lower skull. We aren't sure if this has affected the atlas, or first vertebra of the neck, but we're doing some tests and we should find out soon." the doctor sighed, "I'm sorry".

I looked at him as if he had just shot 70 bullets through me. I could never describe what I was feeling at that exact moment. It was like I was a little kid, staring at a big ice cream cone, knowing that I couldn't have it, and watching it slowly melt away in the sun.

"But does he have a chance?" I asked solemnly.

"Well it depends on the test results. If the test comes back positive, then there will be a little chance of survival. However, the test may come back negative, and we will work with Darryl into therapy, and he could be himself in about 3-6 months."

"And if he doesn't make it?"

"Then, there isn't anything more we can do."

But Dally had been fine this morning! It was only an hour ago that he was telling me I could stay home from school! And oh no, what about Soda! How is he gonna take this!

"May I call my brother?" I asked reaching for the phone on the doctor's desk.

"Yes, I'll leave you alone." he said.

I dialed home at first; my hands were shaking uncontrollably so it was hard to dial. Then I realized that Sodapop would be at work, so I dialed his work number.

"Hello?" a voice picked up.

"Hi, Soda?" I said.

"No its Steve. Whatta you want, 'aint you supposed to be at school?" he said, mean-tempered.

"Godammit Steve, put Soda on the freaking phone!"

"All right" he said. I could hear voices saying 'Someone got outta bed the wrong way today…'

"Hey Pony, what's happenin'?" Soda said. I calmed down. Soda's voice always made me calm down. I tried to think, but I was so absent-minded at that moment, that nothing came out of my mouth.

"DDarry's at tthe hosspittal, hhe wass in a ccarr crash". Those words were left bitter in my mind. They kept repeating themselves like a broken record player. Car Crash…Car Crash…Car Crash.

"What! Okay I'll be there soon. You're in the hospital? What room?" Soda sounded too worried. It reminded me of how I thought Darry had too much to worry for his age.

"The nnurse will ttell youu." I said as I kept trying to stop myself from shaking so much.

"Okay, hey pony, you okay?"

"Yeaa- well,…Soda justt gget down hhere, okay?"

"Okay, I'll be right there." He hung up.


	3. Little Yellow Envelope

Chapter 3

I sat in the waiting room. Waiting for soda. I guess that's why they call it a waiting room. By now I was crying. Yes, crying. For my brother. Who's in the hospital. Who's about to die. Reality had never been so shocking.

When Soda came, I leaped into his arms. It wasn't like I had any control of what I did at that moment. I could have killed someone, and I wouldn't be aware.

"Shh, it's gonna be okay. Darry will be fine. Shh…" Soda calmed me down.

"Soda! What if he dies! What if he's in there…dying! What will happen to us! We'll be sent to a boys home! We'll be separated!"

"Pony, calm down! Darry isn't dead yet. What did the doc say?" Soda said as he held me. I glanced over to the other room down the hall. There was a woman, a little girl and a priest. As the priest was praying over the man in the hospital bed, a nurse took out a plug and the man's read-outs went flat. The woman silently teared, and the little girl cried. I held Soda tighter.

"Pony?"

"Huh…Oh the doc was sayin' how they're doin' tests and if it comes back, they can tell if Dar is gonna live or not."

I looked up at Soda. He was crying too. Not the kind of crying, when you fall off your motorcycle crying, the type of crying when you know your older brother is in the hospital. Crying. Soda was supposed to be the strong one. What if he couldn't be strong enough for the both of us? The doctor glanced out from his office.

"Ponyboy, you and your brother should come in here. The tests results are in."

Me and Soda silently walked to his office. Awaiting the fate of my brother, that lied in the little yellow envelope.


	4. The Results

Chapter 4

As the doctor took us into his office, me and Sodapop awaited the results of Darry's tests. The doctor slowly took out the information in the envelope, and glanced over at us. He read it over with a grin on his face. He must've known something. Maybe Darry would make it! Maybe he would be better and we could all go home.

The grin was wiped off his face as he translated the data into his head…

"I'm sorry. The tests came back positive." I stared at Soda. He let out a soft sob. I didn't feel like crying. I was angry. Here was a man, telling me that my brother isn't gonna make it alive because some idiot passed a red light. It wasn't even Darry's fault!

"So now, there's no hope? There isn't anything we can do!" I said.

"I never said that. But considering your financial background…" The doctor replied.

"So, that's what this whole thing is about, huh? Your gonna let my brother die…all because of money? Well, I'll give in my own damn college money in. That enough money for ya!"

"Ponyboy, please calm down. It isn't about the money. I'm just saying that it will be hard to find any way to cure this tumor with the amount of money that you currently have!" the doctor said.

Then a deadly moment of silence began.

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Its short! I know! But its to the point. Tell me how youliked it! 


	5. Everything's Not Gonna be Okay

Chapter 5

I stared doctor, bewildered.

"T-Tumorr?" I said, shaking as I had been before.

"Yes, I didn't want to tell you all together, but he has a tumor in his brain. We're not sure if it was a result of the car crash, but it's certainly growing quickly. After he was admitted into the hospital, we had x-rayed him. I wasn't aware that there was a tumor in his brain. Does his day job require him to be out in the sun for a long time?"

His job? Oh it was roofing, wasn't it? I couldn't think straight. Well when your roofing, I guess you are in the sun for a while.

I opened my mouth to say something, but instead Sodapop said "Yes, he works roofing homes."

"What is there that we can do?" I asked.

"Well we're hoping this isn't cancer. As of now, more doctors are doing tests to find out if it is. If it isn't, then we can hope for the best, and try to get the tumor out without complications. But if it is, we will have to go through about 10 weeks of chemotherapy, and if that doesn't work, then there isn't anything else that we could do. You two can go see Darryl now if you want to."

I walked into the room that Darry was in. He was either unconscious, or sleeping. I think it was the second one. Soda gently shook him and he woke up.

"Heyy…Darry. How are you feeling?" Soda said.

"What…what happened? Where am I?" Darry replied in a soft voice, almost as if he wasn't there.

"You were in a car crash buddy, it's gonna be okay." Soda said.

Everything's NOT gonna be okay…


	6. And Cried

Chapter 6

Soda called Steve to pick me and him up. I knew Steve wasn't exactly making the boss too happy, but it was out of our hands. Steve wouldn't be too happy about it, either. But he was Darry's buddy, too, so I guess missing almost and hour of work wouldn't really matter.

"Hey kid, where's your brother?" a voice said. I knew it was Steve, but I turned around to double check. From now I would double check everything. I couldn't just count on the first thought that came into my mind anymore. Everything would be double checked. Maybe that sounded corny. But the next time I double check, there might be something that has a chance to save Darry.

"He's with Darry." I responded. I felt like I was gonna cry again, and guess what? I did. You don't cry in front of Steven Randell, especially if you're a tag-a-long brother of his best friend. Greasers don't cry.

Soda came back into the room and cried a little more. I was feeling that there was absolutely no hope left. If Sodapop couldn't make it through this, whoever said I could? Soda _was_ my hope. And it seemed to me that my hope was getting weaker and weaker by the minute.

The car ride home was awfully quiet. There wasn't much to talk about. The only thing I could hear was soda's silent sobbing. Steve would drop us off, finish his shift over at work, and then probably come over our house. Two-Bit was already there. Great, I'd have to suffer through the whole story over and over again.

When I got home, I didn't wanna talk. I just went into me and soda's room, and cried.

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Sorry I haven't updated in a while! Tell me what you think of this chapter!


	7. The Silence

Chapter 7

I listened closely as Soda repeated the whole story to Two-Bit. Yet, I still couldn't figure out how he could say that with a straight face. I mean, I didn't hear any crying. But I wasn't really outside, so I couldn't tell.

The house felt empty without Darry. It felt like we weren't protected from something. Something was about to come get us, something was gonna hurt us. I didn't feel protected. Even though I knew that Soda was there, and he wouldn't let anything happen to me, it just didn't feel right. When I was done crying, I wrapped myself around in the blanket I had received from my mother when I was born. It was a big blanket, but I was outgrowing it fast. It had a really nice pattern on it, and it said "My Golden Boy Forever". That used to be mom's old nickname for me, partly because she loved that saying, and partly because my hair was so blonde, it was almost gold.

"Hey Pony, you all right?" Soda asked me as I came out of our room. So he_ had_ been crying.

"Yeah I'm fine" I said as I sat down into the armchair in our living room and turned on the TV. There wasn't really anything to watch, I thought, as I skimmed through the channels, so I turned it off.

There it was again. That silence. I _hated_ that silence.

"Well I better be gettin' home now. My mom is gonna kill me if I don't do my homework." Two-Bit said.

Two-Bit left, and me and Soda cleaned around a bit. He would start crying every time he saw one of Darry's shirts lying around, or his tool belt. Then the phone rang. Soda picked it up and hinted to me that it was Darry's boss. He wanted to know why Darry wasn't at work today. Here we go again…

Soda wasn't able to tell the whole story, so I would substitute for him at the sad parts. I couldn't cry anymore. I was drenched out of tears. I felt like a towel that you squeeze to get all the water out.

Darry's boss didn't seem to care. All he cared about was getting his money's worth. It was his fault anyways. He had never told Darry to put on sun block when he was in the sun. I think there's a law about that, but it was his fault that Darry was in a hospital, with a tumor that could maybe kill him. Kill him. I didn't want to think about that. I didn't want to think about Darry dying. I didn't want to think that I could never walk into that room across the hallway without breaking into tears.

Me and Soda finally finished and went to sleep.

And that's when the nightmares began.

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Wow I finished this in one day! That's like record! And I made it more detailed, and a little longer. Tell me how you like it!


	8. Nightmares

Chapter 8

Usually in my dreams, there was Johnny, and sometimes Dally. Johnny would still be well. Like nothing happened. But then something dramatic. Like a car crash or something. Then Johnny would be like how I saw him last. Burnt, confused, & scared of death. He would be mumbling something like "How could you, Ponyboy? I thought we were best friends".

Soda was shaking me when I woke up.

"Pony, c'mon pony wake up. Your having a nightmare baby. Wake up."

"S-Soda? Why are we sleeping on the floor?"

"We aren't, pony, you fell off the bed. Were you having a nightmare again?"

"Yeah."

The next day Soda said I could stay home from school. He would work half a shift, then come home earlier so we could go visit Darry. I woke up later then i usually would. I guess it was from waking up so many times during the night. I really couldn't stand being left home alone. So I figured that I would go outside until Soda came home.

I walked through almost the whole town. I passed the lot which made me cry. I remembered how me and Johnny were sleeping under that starry sky that same night. I suddenly regretted on how I left Johnny all alone in that lot when I woke up at 4 am. It seemed like a long, long time ago, even though it was only a couple of monthes ago. I past the drive-in's which made me remember that night with those pretty girl soc's- Cherry and Marcia. I don't really talk to Cherry anymore. Since Bob's death, she hasn't really wanted to talk to anyone. I guessed it would have been better to leave her alone. But anyways. I finnally went back home. It was about 2:34-about 2 hours 'till Soda would come home. I decided not to sleep because I thought I would have another nightmare. So I picked up my copy of "The Perks of Being A Wallflower" and read it. I really liked how the main character, Charlie, wasn't like all those other boys who wouldn't cry no matter what. Charlie wasn't afraid to cry.

Soda finnally came home and we ate a quick dinner. I guess we can't do too much of the cooking anymore. After a short tv dinner, me and Soda went to the hospital. At first they said that we couldn't see Darry for now, because he was going through some tests. They made me and Soda sit in the waiting room until the doctor was done.

The doctor finally came out and said that we could go see Darry now. I really don't get it because Darry was unconscious. What do we do? We came to see him and actually talk to him. I mean, I wasn't saying that I didnt want to see him, but there really wasn't any point in talking to a unconscious body. Soda just talked to him, though. It may seem like i'm crazy, but I actually felt that Darry was with us there. He was understanding everything that Sodapop was saying to him. He just couldn't respond.

I was really exausted when we got home, so I thought that I would just go to sleep. I still was afraid of sleeping. Not of sleeping. Of those nightmares I would get while I was sleeping. I had Soda stay with me that night. He also made me hot milk, just before I slept, like mom used to make.

I hoped that Sodapop was awake when I said "Soda, what will happen to us if Darry dies?"

"I really don't want to think about that right now. I've had a rough day. But even if he did die, we would hopefully have to try and not let the state know that i'm living with you alone. Until next year, when I turn 18, I'm gonna take full custody of you."

"Oh okay. 'Night." I said as I drifted off to a world where I was paralyzed by my dreams.

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Sorry I haven't updated in a while! I had all my regents and finals these last weeks so i didn't have too much time to update. PLEASE REVIEW AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK OF THIS CHAPTER! )


	9. School

Chapter 9

Once again, I woke up about 5 times that night. Tossing and turning in between. I just couldn't sleep. I would stay awake and try not to sleep, not to be kidnapped by my dreams. But, sadly, a person needs sleep. And Soda said that I would go to school the next day, so I was imagining everything possible. I'm sure that Two-Bit had already blabbed to everyone about it. He's not exactly the best secret keeper.

When I woke up in the middle of the night for the 3rd time, Soda had finnally given up. He told me that when he got home from work, he would take me to a phycologist. I guess he was tired of waking up in the middle of the night so much. I had the weirdest of dreams. They were actually nightmares, but they were still very awkward. Like in one dream, I dreamt that Dally was riding a horse. The horse was grey and brown. I guess I dreamt about horses, because i've been think about But suddenly out of no where, a brick wall would appear. And with Dally's speed on the horse...I guess you can figure out the rest.

When I woke up in the morning, no one was making pancakes. No one yelled at me to wake up from the kitchen. No one accepted my excuse of being sick that day. And that was when I realized that things would never be the same again. Soda put me on the bus to school since Darry wasn't able to drive me to school. So this is how it's gonna end up, I thought, this is how my life is gonna be from now on.

That day at school was the worst day of my life. Firstly, I knew that Two-Bit told everyone because as soon as I got into school, people began whispering behind me. "Isn't that the kid who's brother is dying?" "Yup, that's him.". At some points I just wanted to run out of school. Run away from all the whispering. Run to Darry and just be there with him. That's all I needed.

At last, 9th period was over and I started walking home. That's when it happened. 5 big soc's surrounded me. I recognized a couple of them from the rumble we had before Dally and Johnny died. They were all probbably in college. Dressed from head to toe in madras.

One soc said "Hey grease, your brother is dying, isn't he?"

"He's not dying." I mumbled softly.

"You know if it hadnt been for you he wouldn't be in that hospital. Who do you think he's been working all day in the bright sunlight for?"

"Thats not true." I mumbled again.

"All you greasers deserve what you get. And you cause it on yourselves. Darry was a buddy of ours back while he was in high school. Who's fault is it that he cant go to college? Who's fault is it that he's in that hospital now practically dyin'?"

I tried to run but my legs were frozen.

"And well, my buddies and me think that you should get it back for doin that to our buddy."

And just like that. It happened. I was kicked, cut, and bruised. And when I finally thought they had left, they came back. I couldn't really move. So I just layed there, staring at a star-less sky, wishing I with Soda or Two-Bit or even better yet, Darry.

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Its very short, I know. But i'm having kind of a writer's block. Please R/R! And i really need ideas...send them to 


	10. Options

Chapter 10

I still couldn't get up, and when it got dark, I was worried that Soda would be worrying about me. I didn't really know how long it had been, but I was sure that Sodapop would be home by now. I attempted to get up almost a dozen times, but I couldn't. I finally heard Soda yelling out my name.

"Ponyboy! Where are you! PONYBOY!" Soda shouted

"Soda...Soda..." I echoed weakily.

"Ponyboy! What happened to you! Who did this!"

"Socs...5...Darry..." I couldn't make out full sentances.

Soda started crying. I felt so bad about this whole thing.

"Soda...I'm sorry" I was starting to talk normally again.

"No, baby, you didn't do anything. It wasn't your fault. Don't think like that. I'm going to go get help, you stay right here."

"Where am I going..." I replied sarcastically.

I don't remember much, but I do remember going to the hospital. Being loaded into an ambulence. The rest was just a blur, but Soda stayed there right by my side. I loved having him as a brother, and I couldn't remember anytime when he _wasn't_ there by my side. It reminded me of how he was there (along with Darry) when I was sick during the night of the rumble. He was right by my side, and even if everything else changes, I really hope that doesn't.

I was asleep on and off in the last few days. I was still having nightmares, and they got to the point that the hospital almost forced me to see a phycologist. The next day Soda came in and took me home from the hospital. He said he would drop me off at the phycologist's office. The doctor was named Dr. Warner. Soda told me that he was specialized in Adolecence Therapy. He said that he would have loved to stay, but he didn't have anymore off-days. I could tell by the expression in his eyes that he _really_ wanted to be there.

"It's ok Soda, I can take the bus home by myself. I've done it dozens of times." I said.

"Yeah, but you just got outta the hospital! I can't just leave you like this!"

"Soda...It's ok! Really."

Soda handed me some change and told me what bus to take. Steve came with his pick-up truck a couple of minutes later to pick him up. As I walked toward the phycologist's office, I thought about mom and dad. I don't really remember them. That sickens me.

When I got there, the lady at the front desk told me to sign out a sheet. I handed it back to her, and took my seat, and took a magazine out of the collapsing pile on the table next to me. It was filled with magazines with names like "Family" and "Children Weekly". It took me a while to find a good magazine, and when I did, I was called into the doctor's office.

The doctor's name _was_ Dr. Warner. He was a tall man with brown hair. He looked to be in his early 30's, and he carried his clipboard wherever he went. He wouldn't put it down at all! For a second I wondered if he took his clipboard with him when he went to the bathroom! After making endless notes, he asked me some questions. How school was, what my brothers were like, who my friends were, etc. I really didn't see any point in this. Before I went, he told me that I should start keeping a journal. That it would tell me why I was having so many dreams and I would "understand my feelings better".

I took the bus home, and got home. I immediately collapsed on the couch. I missed our home. But it still wasn't the same without Darry there. Nothing would ever be the same again. I saw a pile of mail on the coffee table and curiously went through it. There was one letter from the hospital Darry was at. I opened it.

There was a bunch of information, but basically, it was a bill issued to Sodapop for $1,550. We would never be able to pay for that. And with Darry not working...And it occured to me, that this must be what Soda felt when mom & dad died. We couldn't pay for it without Darry, and for the first time in my life, I thought about quitting school to get a job.

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WANTED: Ideas for next chapters! Please help me out!


	11. Hospital Visit

Chapter 11

I talked to Soda about dropping out, and he hated the whole idea. I mean really, really hated it. I've never seen him so mad. But I remained on my mission. Throughout the yelling I just thought to myself _we need the money...he's never gonna find out...Soda isn't gonna be able to pay for it himself.._.So the next day, I went looking for a part-time job. I would start out part-time, and after a while I would work full-time.

I found a job at the local resteraunt, plus a really cute girl named Krissy worked there. I felt really proud of myself, and for once I felt like I had more of a role in our so-called "family". On the first day Krissy introduced me around. For now I wash dishes, but the manager said if I do a good job on that, then he will promote me to waiter. I went home after I filled out some papers. I love weekends.

Midway on the bus, I realized..._Darry was comming home today! _I almost jumped in my seat. I had missed Darry so much, maybe we could even return to our state of being a "semi-family". I practically ran from the bus stop to our house. And that's when my "maid genes" kicked into gear. I cleaned the whole house that it practically sparkled. When Soda came home he was really amazed that I could do all of that in so little time.

Steve and Two-Bit came along with us to the hospital. _This is really going to be great_, I thought, _the whole gang, just like it was before_. But then reality hit me in the head. Darry wouldn't be the same old Darry he was 2 monthes ago. He might not even be able to walk. _We're going to have to take real good care of him if he's gonna live_. I could have killed myself if I said that outloud. _It's not IF...Darry has to live. It can never be IF._

That eerie feeling came again when we entered the hospital. The nurse sitting at the desk pointed us down the hall and to the right. We saw Darry sitting on his bed, watching a movie, and eating a cup of jello.

"Hey Darry! How are ya feeling?" Soda asked, happily.

"Hey guys. I'm feeling much better. How have you guys been?"

"We've been doin good. Pony's just started to go back to school." Two-Bit said.

"That's good. Hey Pony, your bein awfully quiet. Somethin bothering you?"

I just nodded my head no. I really wanted to see Darry, but I didn't know i'd be _this_ shy of him. Steve pushed in between me and Soda and sat on Darry's bed.

"So..they treatin you all right in here, Dar?" Steve asked.

"Yeah...I mean, I guess I just miss home. Especially Soda's cooking." Darry said, cocking his left eyebrow.

"Yup..everyone just loves my cookin'!" Soda replied eagerly.

The nurse finally came in and gave Darry some papers to sign and they let us take him home. He couldn't walk. We had to take him home in a wheelchair. He's not gonna be able to do most things he used to be able to do. Nothing's gonna be the same ever again.

Journal Entry #1

So I guess this is my first time writing here. I don't really know what to say. We got Darry from the hospital today. He looked better then he looked before. He can't walk anymore, so I guess Soda is gonna have to take some more sick-days to help him out. Nothing seems normal. I wish things would go back to the way they used to be. I'm reading this book and it has a really moving poem, and since I have nothing better to do, i'll write it down in here:

Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines  
he wrote a poem  
And he called it "Chops"  
because that was the name of his dog  
And that's what it was all about  
And his teacher gave him an A  
and a gold star  
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door  
and read it to his aunts  
That was the year that Father Tracy  
took all the kids to the zoo  
And he let them sing on the bus  
And his little sister was born  
with tiny toenails and no hair  
And his mother and father kissed a lot  
And the girl around the corner sent him a  
valentine signed with a row of X's  
and he had to ask his father what the X's meant  
And his father always tucked him in bed at night  
And was always there to do it

Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines  
he wrote a poem  
And he called it "Autumn"  
because that was the name of the season  
And that's what it was all about  
And his teacher gave him an A  
and asked him to write more clearly  
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door  
because of its new paint  
And the kids told him  
that Father Tracy smoked cigars  
And left butts on the pews  
And sometimes they would burn holes  
That was the year his sister got glasses  
with thick lenses and black frames  
And the girl around the corner laughed  
when he asked her to go see Santa Claus  
And the kids told him why  
his mother and father kissed a lot  
And his father never tucked him in bed at night  
And his father got mad  
when he cried for him to do it.

Once on a paper torn from his notebook  
he wrote a poem  
And he called it "Innocence: A Question"  
because that was the question about his girl  
And that's what it was all about  
And his professor gave him an A  
and a strange steady look  
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door  
because he never showed her  
That was the year that Father Tracy died  
And he forgot how the end  
of the Apostle's Creed went  
And he caught his sister making out on the back porch  
And his mother and father never kissed  
or even talked  
And the girl around the corner  
wore too much makeup  
That made him cough when he kissed her  
but he kissed her anyway  
because that was the thing to do  
And at three A.M. he tucked himself into bed  
his father snoring soundly

That's why on the back of a brown paper bag  
he tried another poem  
And he called it "Absolutely Nothing"  
Because that's what it was really all about  
And he gave himself an A  
and a slash on each damned wrist  
And he hung it on the bathroom door  
because this time he didn't think  
he could reach the kitchen.

Its really long, but I like it. It's a suicide note. The main character (a boy) loves his best friend (who is a girl). But the girl is with some other guy. So I think thats what the poem is all about. Wanting something you can't have.

Ponyboy Curtis

I looked over my first journal entry. It seemed strange. But everything was strange now-a-days. And the second I got home, I went into my room, and just cried.


End file.
